Those days, long gone

I remember in lower primary I was forced to take up the reading programme because I was failing English. It wasn’t a very cool thing to join the reading programme, especially since it was an established primary school I was studying in. I don’t think there were any issues of my peers looking down on me, we were all just naive kids then, but I, for one, thought I was the biggest loser ever. The reading programme had an associated stigma – probably equivalent to that of the TAF Club – just that we weren’t fat, we really just sucked in our language.

My greatest achievement was overcoming that hurdle and acing the English subject in both PSLE and ‘O’ Levels.

And well… That’s about it for my achievements.

I don’t remember doing well in anything else thereafter.

I probably did better in maybe CCA and other non-academic activities. My grades in secondary school and polytechnic were just… OK.

Now, in the college of the Arts, I’m having a bit of trouble keeping up too. And I’m trying to find a way to stay afloat.

I mean, if I could, from being incorrigible at English, ace all my English examinations, there’s probably a chance that I can improve in my work right now… right?

I just need to find that spark back. I don’t know how to start, don’t know what to do, but I chose this path and I’m not going to give up like this.

Everyone out there is awesome, and every day I wonder if I could be that awesome too.

But that’s the thing, I have to stop wondering and start taking action.

I need to stop hiding in the shell of myself and get something done.

Will you pace me? Will you support me?

I want to cry but I laugh, because I know, it’s just me being afraid to move on, to step up.

I let people put me down, because I don’t have the courage to back myself up.

I miss doing something non-academic.

I should start doing sports again. Or writing songs.

That’s when I feel like a lion. That’s when I feel I can roar.

Someone once told me, perseverance is scarier than hard work.

Well, that makes sense… Without perseverance and persistent efforts, hard work would not exist.

Go on, fight till the end.

Because the only way out, is through.

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